Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals

They say that dogs understand up to 150 words & commands.  At least that's what the preview for the latest Ewan McGreggor film, "Beginners" states. That made me think about what words my German Shepherd hears most often.

It's clear that she understands the words "treat", "walk", & "car", but there are a slew of words that her crazy owner chants to her everyday. Why I say these things to her, I don't know.

Allow me to share a few gems from her rich vocabulary with you.

"Chuck E. Cheese's" : This most definitely tops the list.  I can't look at my dog without saying this. I have NO IDEA WHY. It's like an illness. She doesn't remind me of the childhood play place where I used to climb through plastic tunnels like a hamster and exchange tickets for janky toys. Nor does she resemble a mouse/rat...whatever he was.  It may have to do with the fact that my brother, James hates hearing me call our dog this.

"Good Jobs" followed immediately by "Steve Jobs". I pluralize both phrases and never say one without the other to her.

"Baby Chicas! Mamacitas"

"Foods?" Believe me, she definitely understands this one. If she had to get a job, she would have been a food critic. Or maybe a chef. She's quite the connoisseur of the culinary arts. My little Rataouille.

"Baby Snackers" Her name is Snickers...She likes snacks. Put 'em together. Voilà!  ;)

"Potties?" -I really can't stop pluralizing.

"Mama's Baby! Baby's Mama!" - If I had an explanation, I would definitely share it with you.

"Chi-Chi-Chi-Chi-ka-nas, little babies"- I know, I'm brilliant. This is also spoken at a decibel that gradually gets higher. I aim for the sound that only dogs can hear.

"Ah mama's Snickeys, Ah mama's Snickeys, Ah mama's Snickeys "- this is definitely a chant. There's a little melody that goes with it. This dog is a genius and could have the potential to take over the world, instead I have inundated her with meaningless chatter.

"Snick-snacks, Snick-snacks" Have you ever seen the episode of The Office where Michael Scott talks about having a vasectomy, then a reverse-vasectomy? He goes, "Snip-snap, snip-snap!". I think that may be the source of that one.

She's such a great little dog. My shadow. She'll lay on the floor, close to the piano when I'm writing songs or visit me in the stairwell on my guitar.  She frequently keeps me company on various projects and when I'm blogging. And she would NEVER fathom letting me eat alone.

Out of curiosity, what words or phrases do you say to your animals?

Oh, and say "Hi" to your mother for me.


  1. Oh, my gosh - where doni start? The title to this post is amazing! "Sup goat?" love it. Your post had me laughing so hard the whole time! Seriously, tears were rolling down my face. I can hear you saying these things to her! Let's see...what do I say to my pets?... There's the "there's mamas baby/boy/girl", Aba-Naba, Ab-nab, Tanto. Brinkles, Brinkley-doo. Our cats from childhood were Mitten Kitten All-a-written and Smokie Jo Steworm the III. There's Kitty-pants, ...oh man, thus list could go on and on...

  2. Hahaha Tanto. ;) I love that one! These are hilarious!


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